What Do The Happiest Couples Do Before Bed? (According To Marriage Therapists)

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Want the short answer?

They spend time together. They dedicate time to slow down and appreciate their relationship, bond and most of all themselves.

Being in a relationship or having a marriage requires a lot of work. But, somehow we are constantly stressed out and giving priority to our work. Because…bills bills bills right?

Well, this is why you need to read these 7 principles or “things” that the happy couples do.

To compile this list, we went on and researched what the marriage therapists and counsels say and advise from their experience.

The main thing you are going to learn below is that you should guard your before bed time and also your bedroom. This will help you have a stress free zone in your home where you go to recharge and relax.

Now, without further ado, let’s read the 7 things happy couples do before going to bed.

1. They Get a Good Night Sleep

According to Michele Weiner-Davis, (a licensed clinical social worker, marriage and family therapist and author in the field of family therapy) having a good night sleep is something that happy couples persistently prioritize and hold on to. She also underlines that a solid night’s sleep fosters good mental health, which in turn, makes people more emotionally available during the day. She even says that if someone is not sleeping well, she/he should ask for professional help.

2. They treat the bedroom as a sanctuary

We use the advice of Michele Weiner-Davis on this one too. She says that happy couples are perceiving their bedroom as a place where they come to rest, love and bond. The kids and the other relatives should stay away from this room 99% of the time.

From the furniture to the scents of the candles in the room, everything should have the “happy place” vibe and remind them that this is the place where the real magic happens.

3. Going to bed, together

According to Dr. Kurt Smith (Clinical Director of Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching and specialist about issues facing men) nowadays a lot of couples are going to bed separately. This leads to breaking the bond more and more since most of the couples are separated also during the day.

Going to bed together leads to moments that rekindle the connection we feel for our partner and gives us time to calm down and appreciate the love we feel for our partner.

4. They say no to technology

According to Kari Carroll (couples therapist), we are all addicted to our phone or tablet screens which leads to avoiding real dialogue and connection that leads to emotional or physical intimacy.

She also underlines the fact that every time we see that our partner is more interested in what is happening in her/his phone, we subconsciously think that she/he is somewhere else.

So, what should you do?Set a rule. For example, no technology after 9 pm. At least one hour before going to bed.

5. They say and show ”I love you”

We’ve gathered this advice from many therapists and counselors. Happy couples manage to calm down before going to sleep and say I love you to each other.

Many of them also have rituals through which they show their love to one another. It is a great way to just pause the outside world and focus on the actual thing that matters.

6. They postpone arguments

Dr. Kurt Smith adds that happy couples postpone the arguments for the next day and avoid bringing negativity in the bedroom.

Having arguments in bed can seriously programme us that going to bed together leads to disagreements. This can have catastrophic influence over the emotional bond of a couple and the relationship as a whole.

7. No kids in the bedroom

The psychologist Michael Viner-Davis, says that the only time you can let your children sleep in your bed is when they have a nightmare, they are sick or there is bad weather. Otherwise, they should learn that the bedroom is mom and dad’s place and they should respect that.


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